I FOUND YOU!

I’ve been then alone. My life was up to no where. My mind was empty. I can’t find any words to describe what I feel. I can’t look for any phrase that would, somehow, lighten my agony. That would somehow, explain the feelings of my tormented soul. I was once here before but every time that fate brings me back here, it was like a new pedestal to me. It was like I’m looking at broader spectrum of pain, a new endless horizon of pain. I’ve experienced these pains before but what is now is different. “the more you experience pain, the more that you get used to it then eventually the more It would grew lighter” but for me, every time that I’m predisposing myself to pain, the more it becomes excruciating and the more I become vulnerable.
Every time that this feeling is yet dominant in me, my system just can’t seem to know how to resist. It is like a drug that my body needs. It is the air that I breathe in. the rays of sunlight that penetrate deep within my skin. The pain runs in my system, it binds with my blood. It circulates and passes through my heart, it remains there, forming clogs that degrades the function of my entire system. It lingers through its walls killing every cell that contains every happy thought that I have made. It made me feel afraid that this catastrophe would lead to sudden death of my heart. That my life would end up like a rugged dummy for which in pain and happiness, I would not react. Im just scared to death that one day, I don’t even know how to smile, grin and laugh. That one day I wont be aware of anything that surrounds me. I don’t want to inflict pain to anyone for so I know how it feels like. Will pain be as essential as anything that my body needs? Should I always allow pain to pierced my tortured soul? Why love has to cost much pain? As far as im concerned, pain Is not what I needed.
I need someone that would make me feel like a new born angel with my wings widely spread upon the casting shadows of a new world. Someone who knows how to make promises by making them happen. Someone who can make me smile during the rage of storms in my life. Someone who could lend hands when I am swiftly falling. Someone who could sit by me, uttering no words by mouth but barely shouting unspoken words of love through eyes. Someone whom I’ll always long the presence of. Someone who owns those eyes that won’t judge me physically but would see the deeper person in me. A pair of eyes that know how to see things unseen. Someone whose ears won’t listen to the possible things that might happen, but to the things that could happen. Someone who will listen as I say my sentiments. Someone whose lips know how to say painful but truthful words. Someone that would say words of love I never asked for. Ive been barely looking for that someone but the search has now ended. I’ve been fooled by almost everyone that walked with me in my journey to life. Now im giving my heart to you, it is you whom I entrusted my heart with. I can hear the strong thudding of my pulse behind my very ear. I can feel that I am incomplete whenever I long for your presence. For once you made me whole again, you picked every pieces of me that shuttered along the way as you walk through me. Now I asked you this “will you be like this forever?”