My Vote for the 2009 Bloggers’ Choice Award (National):
I vote for Otep’s LIBRE LANG MANGARAP
Bloggers’ Choice Award
2009 Philippine Blog Awards
Ibonoto ko sya dahil:
1. kausap ko sya ngayon
2. para hindi na sya EMO
3. astig ang posts
4. makatotohanan ang mga akda
5. one of a kind BLOG!
Oh sya mga katoto bumoto na kayo! tayo ang gagawa sa katuparan ng pangrap ng kuya ko
Alas! I can now post something that is reasonable enough to be posted (I guess so. ). I have some flaws on writing nowadays because my course didn’t even seem to cooperate.
CASE STUDY
Just this week, we are pressured to do an individual and by-group case study and 5 Nursing Care Plan. We are pressured to review notes and to read notes ahead of time because we are beating deadlines.
I am not a leader of my group but I had taken responsibilities for them. I don’t want any of my group mates to be criticized like we are the foolest of the fool by our self-proclaimed “seemingly perfect” professors. And so to work as a group, we decided to have our first group overnight so that we can discuss things easily and to have every resources needed at hand. But the supposed to be overnight turned into a sleep-over but at the brighter side we did finish a bit! Ha-ha!
Ruining my own body clock brought some positive outcomes because while working at my case study I was awake until the wee hours of the morning for 2 DAYS. I don’t know if it is positive to stay up late but what matters to me is that I know that I can stay up late!
MOVIE MARATHON
For Pete’s sake, of course I need to have some rest and so I watched movies until I finished them not minding about my Case Study. ☺ I had watched GOAL which is about a Mexican footballer who didn’t give up in reaching his dreams; BROTHER’S GRIMM which is a fiction and is about the two brothers who create problems then eventually solve them but they have to be paid in return and lastly; LEGEND OF THE FALL which is able to touch the sleeping bear deep within my heart. And I do recommend you to watch this one. He-he
DUTY
Since last week, my duty to hospital had begun. For now I am currently in OB ward and I have to stay there from 10pm until 6am and so what would you expect in about working in the hospital during this time. I know that my sixth sense, although not totally open, is a bit sensitive. During my shift, I could feel and experience some spooky things like seeing a girl at the end of the hallway and after a split second she’s gone, hearing heavy knocks from inside of a room which is pad locked, hearing footsteps as I walk alone in the corridors, blinking of the lights like those in the horror movies and having Goosebumps as I passed by in a particular area which I don’t know why.
AM I A FILIPINO?
This is hilarious, I guess so. Late this afternoon my mom and I went to a supermarket to buy linoleum. We went inside this shop. My mom started choosing the designs though the final decision was at my hand. When my mom was about to pay for the bill, a girl asked her of we are CHINESE and my mom said no then the girl asked again if I could speak or at least understand FILIPINO. I was suppressing to laugh until I went out of the shop. The same event I could remember was when I was in MALAYSIA. This guy approached me and started talking and talking something which I don’t know if it is CHINESE, MALAY or whatsoever. “Are you nuts?” I said at the back of my mind because he didn’t even allow me to speak for myself and so I let him finished his non-stop talking and when he was done “Pardon me sir! Hindi kita naintindihan” was all that I said and then I walked out of his sight! *wink*
STUPID INTERNET CONNECTION
If only I could curse and if only my words are powerful enough, I had already cursed GLOBE. DARN it! We didn’t have internet for like a week and when it was fixed and reconnected, after 3 days it was ruined again. DANG!
MONTHSARY!
I wasn’t able to celebrate my second monthsary in blogosphere. It really doesn’t matter to me if many is visiting my blog, all I wanted is to write because this is my passion and at least it would prove that at some point I lived.
The darkness arise
Enfolding every light
The light is so weak
The darkness prevails
The stitches of yesterday
The bruises of the past
I’m just a neophyte of this race
I don’t know which to reprimand
The pavements were narrower
I can barely walk
The corridors were much stiffer
And this, I have to surmount
Beyond reality, my life is at stake
I’m an exile of my own fate
Hostage of the uncertain future
All I can hear are unfamiliar jargons
It made me reluctant
To continue what I had started
To walk fearless
To walk straight ahead
The darkness is so explicit
Uncertainty is very vivid
I stumble as I walk
What a pitiful forlorn
My wings are yet unfledged
My life is merely a battlefield
Darkness then prevails
but i won't give up! i won't
I’ve been then alone. My life was up to no where. My mind was empty. I can’t find any words to describe what I feel. I can’t look for any phrase that would, somehow, lighten my agony. That would somehow, explain the feelings of my tormented soul. I was once here before but every time that fate brings me back here, it was like a new pedestal to me. It was like I’m looking at broader spectrum of pain, a new endless horizon of pain. I’ve experienced these pains before but what is now is different. “the more you experience pain, the more that you get used to it then eventually the more It would grew lighter” but for me, every time that I’m predisposing myself to pain, the more it becomes excruciating and the more I become vulnerable.
Every time that this feeling is yet dominant in me, my system just can’t seem to know how to resist. It is like a drug that my body needs. It is the air that I breathe in. the rays of sunlight that penetrate deep within my skin. The pain runs in my system, it binds with my blood. It circulates and passes through my heart, it remains there, forming clogs that degrades the function of my entire system. It lingers through its walls killing every cell that contains every happy thought that I have made. It made me feel afraid that this catastrophe would lead to sudden death of my heart. That my life would end up like a rugged dummy for which in pain and happiness, I would not react. Im just scared to death that one day, I don’t even know how to smile, grin and laugh. That one day I wont be aware of anything that surrounds me. I don’t want to inflict pain to anyone for so I know how it feels like. Will pain be as essential as anything that my body needs? Should I always allow pain to pierced my tortured soul? Why love has to cost much pain? As far as im concerned, pain Is not what I needed.
I need someone that would make me feel like a new born angel with my wings widely spread upon the casting shadows of a new world. Someone who knows how to make promises by making them happen. Someone who can make me smile during the rage of storms in my life. Someone who could lend hands when I am swiftly falling. Someone who could sit by me, uttering no words by mouth but barely shouting unspoken words of love through eyes. Someone whom I’ll always long the presence of. Someone who owns those eyes that won’t judge me physically but would see the deeper person in me. A pair of eyes that know how to see things unseen. Someone whose ears won’t listen to the possible things that might happen, but to the things that could happen. Someone who will listen as I say my sentiments. Someone whose lips know how to say painful but truthful words. Someone that would say words of love I never asked for. Ive been barely looking for that someone but the search has now ended. I’ve been fooled by almost everyone that walked with me in my journey to life. Now im giving my heart to you, it is you whom I entrusted my heart with. I can hear the strong thudding of my pulse behind my very ear. I can feel that I am incomplete whenever I long for your presence. For once you made me whole again, you picked every pieces of me that shuttered along the way as you walk through me. Now I asked you this “will you be like this forever?”
I haven’t post something in my blog since… yesterday… hahaha… I have been preoccupied by my tanda. (hahaha so cheesy)
Going back. Well, I wont actually be writing every month. I would just write if the month is so stressful and struggle-prone. The purpose of this? Nothing much, really. I just want to share some of my life experiences. I could say that I’m now becoming more of an open person. My life is somewhat now an open book, yet I still have to make some things private. To start it out, basically this month started pretty harsh. As of midyear, June is the hardest month to live in but towards the end of the month it is one of the most memorable and happiest coz I just found my everything. I welcomed the month of June with a broken heart and an eyes full of tears. I have all this heavy emotions in me. My so called “ex” broke up with me. I was in the stage of denial then, but I pass through this phase. From that day on I started writing all my heartaches, pain and hatred within me. This was also the month wherein I poured tearS like I haven’t shed them for a long period of time. “if people could only sing their hearts out, the pain, I’m pretty sure everybody are singing now”.
“This was also the month where I started appreciating quotations”
“This month marked a very new me. Someone who is strong and tough yet weak.”
I met so many people. They have different faces but they are all the same. Some just passed by and some stayed for quite a while. some gave me lessons, some preach me sermons, some tapped my shoulder saying “move on!”. Some opened my eyes back into the light of this world when I was then blinded. Some poured out my cup of suffering and some poured teaspoon-full of happiness.
With my studies, sleepless night and restless days has now begun. I’ve been trying to cope with demands of my course and as early as now I could say that I can make it through.
And for my evrything. At the end of the month, I met my tanda. I found my someone. I am just hoping that tanda is 100% serious. But I guess tanda is. (I guess)
Travelling this crossroads makes me weak
Weak to choose which path
Weak to choose what’s right
Should I stay here with this pain?
Or should I let go and be free?
Travelling these crossroads make me sick
Sick to think what the future holds
Sick to watch the emptiness unfold
I've been alone in this spree
With no one here but me
Travelling these crossroads made me realize
Facing the problems and dealing with lies
Going against the habit and breaking the ties
People go with the crossroads or go against it
What will I choose for me to win this feat?
Travelling these crossroads makes me small
I'm waiting here, waiting in vain
I think I'm lunatic, I think it's surreal
This is torture, this is pain
I think I'm gonna go insane
Yes I’ll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And I’ll go where the chalk-white arrows go
And on that path, and on that flow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The tears that was shed, the tints that glow
Don’t know how to find the strength I thought I had.
If only I could play tough it wouldn't be so bad.
The judge and jury awaits me, everyone has a say.
Now I walk alone in this dark crossroads
With no light to guide my way
In a life that hangs suspended for yet another day
The room was dark. It was totally dark. I don’t know where I am going. I don’t know this place and I definitely don’t like it. I was searching for the light, the light that would lighten this path of uncertainty.
I know I am shouting but I couldn’t hear my voice. I am crying for help. I am desperately searching for someone’s hand in the midair though there’s none. I am walking, heading up to nowhere; my feet just keep on going. I don’t know where to go because I don’t exactly know where I am going. Only one thing is for sure. I am looking for the light, the light that will save me from this torment and this misery.
Then I heard a sound but not my voice. I heard the clock ticking as if it is warning me to move as quickly as I could, to find the light before it stops on ticking. I keep on moving on. I started running and running as if there is someone after me. I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know why did I get into this horrifying place.
I fell so many times and I can feel that my sweat is rushing down. The sound gets louder and louder as if it is just near my ear. It grew then much louder and it is driving my sanity away. I started to get nervous. There are many questions playing in my mind but couldn’t answer anything, not even one.
Then I keep on going. I am thinking about my family and my friends. I am thinking about GOD.
I pray, as I ran, as quickly as I could. Then the sound was gone and I fell on my knees. Is it the end? I don’t want everything to end this way. I haven’t seen my family. I haven’t hugged them yet. I didn’t kiss my mom for quite a long time. I haven’t told anyone of them how I love them and how I value them. I haven’t hugged my dad since his last birthday. I haven’t hugged my brothers, not even once, not at all.
I haven’t told any of my friends yet that I love them, that I treasure them. How I appreciate everything they did to me, those memories, those precious and distinct time.
But why am I thinking of this? Why am I thinking that it is all over? That it is all the end? I know it is not over yet. No its not! I am a strong person, I know that I am. My only weakness is losing my family and friends.
Then I stood firm, fearless and valiant, undaunted and valorous. I wiped my tears and I started on running again. I’m too numb enough now to felt that I’m too tired. I am gasping for my breath but still I continue on.
And then I heard a sound. A familiar voice I was longing a couple of days. A voice which I heard, I know, when I first opened my eyes into this unknown world. I know her! I know her voice. It was a melody to me. A melody played by some of the most distinguished orchestra. But why is she crying? I haven’t heard her cry, never! Where is her emotions rooted upon? What’s the reason behind her cry, her melancholic, grievous and mournful cry?
And so I ran fast, trying to determine the source of the voice. I swift. I ran. I guess that I’ve been doing these for a span of hour. Then I grieved. I knelt. I am tired. Now I can feel anything. I can now hear my voice, my tormented cry.
I closed my eyes, trying to breathe normally for the last time. I am losing hope now. Then all of a sudden, the place grew brighter. I was stunned by the light. I was too different from what it was an hour ago. My eyes try to accommodate and adapt in to the sudden change.
And there I was. Standing next to where my family and my friends are. They were all wearing my favourite color. The place was so solemn. I could see from where I was, that everyone is crying. my mom was about to faint. My dad hugging her. My brothers were crying. Seem like everyone is sad, grieving and mourning.
I was still in my position where I stood. Then everybody left the scene. Only my family was left. My family is standing right next to a box. It was like a mystical. The box was elegantly made. It was color blue as well. Then a thought struck me. It was a coffin. I was moving forward to my mom. Me knees were shaking. Who died? Who left? Who? I ran to my mom. I ran next to her but she didn’t seem to notice because maybe the thought of that someone in the coffin kept on bothering her. I told her not to cry because somehow everything will be as good as it was. I ask her to sit down for a while but she didn’t notice me again. I hugged her tight only to find out that I just pass through her. I shouted at her. But she can’t hear me. I started crying. I can’t feel anything. Not even a beat from my heart. I went near the box. And on my shock, I couldn’t say a thing. It was me. There! Sleeping still in the coffin. Wearing my blue shirt. Then I glance to everyone. Now I get the point that they are all wearing blue. I want to hug my mom, I wanted to kiss her. My dad and my brothers. But I cant coz every time that I’m doing it, I just pass through them like as if I was an air. I want to say I love you to each and everyone of them. I can accept the fact that I was gone but not the fact that I wasn’t able to show them I love them. That I really love them. How can I give anymore? How can I let it show? I was hoping that everything is just a nightmare but everything is too good to be true. I don’t want to leave yet. I haven’t proved my love to anyone yet. I wasn’t able to realize everything till there’s none. There is no time left for me to show it to them coz my time has gone. The only thing that I could do was do stare at my friends and lean next to my family. I wanted to memorize everything about them. The smiles I used to see in their faces. The times and place where we used to hung-out. My family. how they loved me, how they care for me. It was like so drastically surreal. I spent my remaining times doing the same thing again and again. Staring at them and reminiscing everything.
The clock ticked. Then all of a sudden there was a light casting down on me. I was waving goodbye hoping that someone could feel my presence. I know everything was late. And it was all my fault. I can now see my body vanishing in mid air. It started on my feet moving upward dramatically. Though there was no voice coming out of my lungs I shouted “ILOVEYOUALL” then I’m gone.
Sabi ng isa kong kaibigan (pinakamagandang kaibigan), na si LENLEN, hindi lang daw puro saya ang ang pwede mong maranasan sa PAG-IBIG. Hindi lang puro ngiti ang mararanasan mo. Sometimes, its like playing your favourite guitar. Minsan sintunado, minsan nasa tono. Sa LOVE, minsan o kadalasan nasasaktan ka din. Halos lahat tayo marunong magmahal eh, pero konti lang ang kayang manindigan hanggang dulo, konti lang ang kayang magtiis ng sakit at hirap dahil sa PAG-IBIG nito sa isang tao.
Isang gabing payapa, nabasag ang katahimikan ko ng isang katagang narinig ko sa radio. “WHAT IF HAPPY ENDING IS ONLY YOU AND YOU ALONE, WILL YOU ADMIT INTO IT?”. At first, hindi ko alam ang magiging reaksyon ko, di ko alam kung magiging malungkot ako. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang tumatakbo sa isip ko. Nagising ung natutulog kong damdamin. Then all of sudden napaisip ako. Oo! Paano nga kung nakatakda na hindi ako makahanap ng taong magiging kasama ko sa pagtanda ko? Paano kung magisa lang akong tatanda? Paano kung ang pag iisa ang magpapasya sakin? Paano kung walang taong pag aalayan ko ng pag ibig? Paano kung walang tao makakarinig ng huling pagpintig nga king puso? Parang hndi ata maganda pakinggan.
Ayon kay Lydel, isa lang daw (este madame pala) ang naranasan nya sa pag-ibig un ay ang masaktan, mabigo at maghinagpis. Magdusa at umiyak. Halos lahat ganito sinasabe kasi at some point in time with their relationship with his/her partner, yung sya na inakala mong sya na eh hindi pa pala. Na ang pinakapakay lang pala nya sa pag daan sa buhay mo ay para matuto ka. “YOU CAN ALWAYS FORGET THE PERSON BUT NOT THE LESSON” .
Can we even blame those people na laging ahead of time magisip at laging futuristic. Lagi nilang sinasabe na sila na hanggang dulo pero at the end of the day biglang magkakasawaan, sasaktan ang damdamin ng isa’t isa. Iiyak, magpupuyat, magpapakamatay at mag papakalango sa alak. Pag nagawa ba nila ang kahit na isa dyan, mawawala ba ang sakit? Mawawala pba ang paghihirap? Maibabalik pa ba ang dating lumipas na?
Sa lahat ng magmamahal, nagmamahal at nagmamahalan, marami pa tayong mararanasan, mararamdaman at dadanasing kasiyahan, paghihirap, pag-unawa at pag-intindi habang may nararanasan pa tayong pagibig. Does money makes the world go round? Hell no! it is LOVE THAT MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND
LOVE ang pinaka-makapangyarihang damdamin na pwedeng maramdaman ng isangtao habang nabubuhay sya. Yung tipo na dahil dito lagi kang nakangiti at lagi kang masaya.
PINAKAMAKAPANGYARIHAN? Oo.! Tama! Sobrang makapangyarihan.! Bakit? Dahil kahit na natapos ka pa sa isang ekslusibong paaralan, kahit na nagtapos ka pa ng Suma Cum Laude, kahit na kasing talino mo pa si Einstein, mabo-bobo ka dahil sa LOVE (Bakit ba kasi hndi ito itinuro sa school, eh di sana wala ng nasasaktan.) Dahil sa love pwede kang mawala sa sarili mong bait, pwede mo tong ikamatay, pwede kang magpakamatay at pwede kang makapatay.
Kahit na kasing tapang mo pa ang mga katipunero noong panahon ng himagsikan at pag aalsa, panigurado iiyakan mo ang PAG-IBIG. Ika nga “IT CAN MAKE THE STRONGEST PERSON FELL ON HIS OWN KNEES”. Hindi porket madami kang napaslang, hindi porket ikaw ang nanalo sa SURVIVOR, hindi porket ikaw ang STRONGEST MAN ALIVE, kahit na ikaw ang siga sa apat na sulok ng Pilipinas, hindi porket ikaw ang kilabot na terorista hindi ka kayang pabagsakin ng pag ibig. Naniniwala ako na kahit gaano ka pa kasama, pag-ibig ang mag papabagsak sayo.
Balik tayo sa pagiging hayskul (slumbook ba?).
Ang pinakakilalang tanong, “what is love?” at ang pinakamabentang sagot “love is blind”
LITERAL NA KAHULUGAN
Panget na nga, mahal mo pa din
IN DEEPER THOUGHTS
Sinasaktan ka na, mahal mo pa din (MARTYR)
Madami na ang kahulugan ng PAG-IBIG. Iba’t ibang tao, iba’t ibang kahulugan pero depende pa yan sa nararamdaman ng isang tao. Pag inlove ka. Aba syempre parang sinasamba mo ang PAG-IBIG. Pero pag sawi kaw, ayun. Lahat ng pinkapanget ata na salita naipangkahulugan mo na sa PAG-IBIG.
LOVE DEFINITIONS
(peyborits ko lang)
Love conquers all
Love defies everything
Love is everything that someone would die for
Love moves in its own little ways
Love is to be loved
Love is giving everything without begging anything in return
Love is patient, Love is kind. It has no envy, nor it boasts itself and it is never proud. It rejoices over the evil and is the truth seeker. Love protects; preserves and hopes for the positive aspect of life. Always stand steadfast in love, not fall into it. It is like the dream of your matter of affection coming true. Love can occur between two or more individuals. It bonds them and connects them in a unified link of trust, intimacy and interdependence. It enhances the relationship and comforts the soul. Love should be experienced and not just felt. The depth of Love can not be measured
HELL OF A QUESTION
Is Love an Obligation or a responsibility?
well i was writing this whole crap here in a computer shop near our school premises. i just want to write something about the opening of classes yesterdasy. well it was a bit nerve shaking as i may say. The day started as simple as possible, the sun was up and everything seemed to fall on their proper places. I wasnt able to wake up early because i slept late the day before, i stayed up to the wee hours of the morning and i couldn'thelp it. When im on school, i was shocked that there was this long, i mean very long line from the gate leading nowhere. I was about to fall in line only to find out that the line is only for those who doesn't have uniforms and it almost did waste my time. hahahaha. Nothing really much unusual happened that day, ugh! before i forgot. There is a BIG UNUSUAL THING that happened. I am not with my old classmated anymore.
-_- how sad!. they reshuffled our batch into nothing. i really cant merely get the point. They keep on telling that we are very fortunate for being in a school of choice, but HELL NO! where is freedom if we are in a UNIVERSITY OF CHOICE. grrrrr.
First things first, don’t get too confused. I know that we can live our lives not alone because we still have GOD, family and friends. Each has t heir own way of showing different kind of love, but could anyone of them show what a partner in life could do? I mean, lets get realistic here, don’t be a hypocrite, everyone of us crave for the LOVE WITH MALICE. Don’t be too lunatic, because at some point in time you will need someone as you grow old.
Going back, last night I was in a chat room then all of a sudden, a simple question strikes me the most “Paano ba ang mag-isa”. It was like It suddenly gets into my nerve,. Maybe this person suffers much as I do. And so I started thinking, how could I possibly live my life ALONE. I have GOD, family and friends. Point taken. But what I need is a partner in life.
I, once, had a partner before but now I’m alone. I started moving on and luckily I am. The hardest part in a relationship that has ended was when you are seriously let yourself fall for someone and just can’t accept the fact that this person who used to call you mine, suddenly gave up on you and eventually left you.
Every relationship has its own ends. Some ends up the hard way but some did in a way that they can still have communication with each other, but these cases are seldom.
For once I lived my life happy and contented with this someone but now I have to face my life all alone. I have to face the most painful truth that this person is no longer mine. But somehow, I felt relieved that at some point it is just now only me who is making me suffer pain. At least I won’t have to blame anyone. It was kinda ironic coz I keep on saying that I moved on but the pain, perhaps, is still crunching my heart. It was, for me, the most painful part. Still holding on to something that you know can never happen again. Its like holding your favourite broken glass mirror, punching someone who broke it but still not manages to let go of the mirror, the pain was there already but you still put another pain although you’re bleeding subsequently.
Now that person left for good. That person will never ever come back so there’s no reason for me to cry over that person. There’s no reason for me to cling on hopes. No reasons for me to still fill up my mind with thoughts of that person, there’s no reason for me to reminisce things the way they used to be.
Let me say this for the last time, I MOVED ON. I did. From everything to that person, I am back now to nothing. I am nobody’s guy, who owns nothing.
I should start living my life alone without thoughts of that person. I should start forgetting that person, everything with that person. I know I can always move on because, somehow, at one point in my life, I did.
I said to myself, I was nothing until i found him, so what would be the difference if I don’t have him now?
Before, it is very hard for me to forget everything. But reminiscing the past wont make him to return in my arms where he used to sleep. Reminiscing the past will just make it harder and harder for me to move on and to forget everything.
But I really do love this person.
WHAT THE HELL
Aun grabe. Haha. Ilang beses k bang sasabihin na mag momove on na ko tas hindi ko nmn magawa. Ay mali, nagagawa ko naman eh, pahinay hinay nga lang. hindi ko din siguro masisisi sarili ko dba? Aun. Sarap naman nun, sya may nagsasabi na ng ILOVEYOU. Sakin wala pa. haha. Hndi aman ako naghahanap eh. Pede naming iLOVEMELei. Hihihi. Ewan ko ba. Kaya ko namang magmove on eh. Alam ko kaya ko
Galit na galit ako sa mga taong parang naglalaro lang sa relasyon. Kaya galit din ako sa kapatid ko. Tinutuligsa ko ung mga taong ganun, tas kapatid ko din pala. Hay naku ang sarap pumatay. Tong kapatid ko, may gf, nakipag cool off sya dun sa gf nya. Aba ang hayop, hindi nlang nkipag break, may liligawan pala n iba. Kawawa naman gf ng kapatid ko, mahal nya kapatid ko eh. Mahal na mahal.
Hindi ko lang talaga maintindihan bakit lagi na lang nasasaktan ung mga tao na tunay kung magmahal. Bakit nasasaktan ung nagbibigay ng lahat. At ang nananakit pa ay ung mga taong ginawa lang halos ay tumanggap ng tumanggap. Nakakapanginig ng kalamnan. Naaasar ako. Pwede bng isumpa lahat ng naglalaro. Lahat ng nananakit.
Paano mo ba malalaman sa una palang kung yung tao sasaktan at iiwan ka lang, kung nung unang nakilala mo sya, akala mo totoo sya.
Grabe, hindi ko na din naiintindihan ang konsepto ng pag ibig. Wala ng malinaw sakin, maliban sa isa. ANG LAHAT NG NASASAKTAN AY PAWANG ANG MGA TAONG TOTOO. Aba, hindi naman ata tama toh. Kami n nga yung totoo kami pa din ung nasasaktan, buhay nga naman talaga oh. Ang labo.
Alam ko madaming nakikisimptya sakin, at alam ko kung sino ung mga tao na un. Silang ung mga tunay na tao. Alam ko nasasaktan din sila, alam ko nararamdaman nila kase ako naramdaman ko na din un. Yung pakiramdam na magmahal ka ng taong halos iparamdam sayo na mahal na mahal ka din, yun pala pakitang tao lang. wala akong particular na tinutukoy sa blog ko na toh. Ang lahat ng sinasabi ko ay sa pare parehong tao na walang ibang alam gawin KUNDI MANAKIT
Before, I don’t know this world i am in right now. I thought I know myself better than other knows me, but it was ironic because it appears that they know more about me.I tried to find myself, knowing that it would be for the better.But travelling through this unknown world just made it harder for me to know who I really am.There are persons I thought that will be there for me and would see through me, but at the end of the day, i have no one beside me, everybody turned their back on me.
It’s very hard for every one of us to move into this world of anyone’s game. Into this world where everybody is just after the pleasure, and after they got it from us, they will just dump you and will leave you WASTED.Before, I don’t know the mechanics of this game, i just thought that if you will be true to yourself, if you will show them who you really are, it’s done.But everybody is too good to be true.After you TRUST them, they will just leave you behind. Everything happens at a blink of an eye.In this world, the more you trust, the more you hurt. Don’t let yourself get too attached to someone, because the more you get attached, you’re just making yourself suffer much. Here, everyone is a quicksand, you don’t have to trust anyone, because if you will, they will just grab and eat you alive.For every heartache that this world brought into me, I just grew strong. I have learned a lot of thingsmaybe i could say, I KNOW NOW HOW TO PLAY WITH EVERYBODY
LEFT ALONE
The day swifts by
I’m alone in my room
Can’t help but to cry
I have to face my doom
The day that you left
Marked a new day in me
I need these tears to be wept
To lessen the agony
I need to be strong
I know I can cope
I know I can move on
I will never lose hope
Now that you’re gone
I have nowhere to run
Those smiles, those times
They can never be mine
I need to be strong
I know I can move on
I can always make it
Though I was left alone
SEEMINGLY unjust LOVE
For the past few days, weeks, months and years of my life I’d never thought that I would be as happy as I was this recent last 4 months of my life.
Thank you God for giving someone like that person, though for just a short period of time, it felt really great.
Thank you for letting that person share his life with me, somehow.
Thanks for the joy this person has brought into my life.
Thank you for giving such wonderful memories, precious times that I could say will always stay and linger here in my heart.
Thank you for the times that this person made my life complete.
Thank you god because you gave someone like this person to me. Though he knows he always have me, yet, I can never have him.
If only i know the semaphore of love the id better understand everything about it.
I am very happy during those days. I was complete the whole time. I was smiling the whole time. It felt like my life is really worth living for. It seemed that I really mastered the world of “seemingly unfair love ”. I really did. Giving up everything until I was left with noting, coz I was thinking that it will not give him any reasons to leave me.
God, they say that you take away something when you have better to give. I am trying, really, to understand this concept. I mean why would you give anything or someone when you know its not the best and when you will, eventually be taking it all away from us.? But honestly, swear, with all my might, I’m learning with it.
God, why is it hard to forget someone really dear to you. Why is hard to forget the one who, somehow, made you feel complete? Well, I know for a fact that I, alone, can answer this. And maybe that is why you let us suffer pain.
I just cant help myself but to reminisce those times when he was still mine, when I used to call him mine. Those songs we sang, the dishes, the room, those activities. Everything. Everything that this person introduced me into. Im not expecting anything in return. Im not expecting his presence anymore.
I was just lucky enough, just blessed enough, because during the time I was with this person. I WAS COMPLETE
will i be happy again?
will i experience evrything like i did when i was with this person?
hopelessy hoping to find someone that could replace that person who used to be mine.
SAD
Forget her name, Forget her face
Forget her kiss and warm embrace
Forget the love that you once knew
Remember now there’s someone new
Forget the love that you once shared
Forget the face that you once knew and cared
Forget the times we spent together
Remember now she’s gone forever
Forget your cry all night long
Forget her when you play your song
Forget how close you two once were
Remember now, she has chosen him
Forget you memorized her walks
Forget the way she used to talk
Forget the times when she got mad
Remember now, she’s happy not sad
Forget the thrills when she passed by
Forget the times when she made you cry
Forget how she spoke your name
Remember now, she played a game
Forget the times that went so fast
Forget them all, they’re just in past
Forget the dreams that cant come true
Forget the girl, she has forgotten you
We aLL must move on
When I think of you it hurts a little more. I try to smile but after a while more tears for you fall. I’m trying to remain positive, but without you im find it hard to live. Our song played on the radio yesterday and it hurts coz I was forced to listen alone. I closed my eyes and tried to picture you. But my broken heart wont allow me to. Why must it hurt so much? Im trying to cope the best way I can! Why does everything reminds me of you, the sun, the moon and the stars. Even the sweet morning flowers are filled with aroma of you. So moving on for me is impossible but im trying to.
The hardest thing to take is when I wake up because I cant feel anything. Everyday is the same. But im hoping that in time, this pain of mine will ease. I try to think back to the love we shared but my mind is too preoccupied with trying to mend my broken heart
just another untold words
kelangan ba magmahal para masaktan?
kelangan bng msaktan para matuto?
un lang ba ung only way para matutuo ka? hndi pang pwedeng sa mas mdling paraan ka mtututo
sabi nila we have to make things simplier, anu pbng mas simpleng paraan para matuto ng hindi nasasaktan
matututo k sa buhay mo kung ikaw mismo nkakaunawa ng pagkakamali mo at khit n sinong tao
na tipong khit mali na, hindi mo ipapamukha sa taong un na mali ung ginagawa nya. hayaan mo syang sya mismo mkaalam ng pagkakamali n un.
hndi ako nagsisisi na ikaw ung minahal ko kasi ikaw ang gusto kong mahalin
ikaw gusto ko ng makasama sa buong buhay ko
madami na kong nakarelasyon pero parang ngayon lang ulet ako nagmahal, parang ngayon lang ulet ako nasaktan.
dahil b hindi ako natututo oh dahil pinaramdam sakin ng mga tao na toh na khit kelan hindi nila ko iiwan?
marami ng dumating sa buhay ko pero ikaw lang ung nag iwan ng gantong marka sa puso ko.
alam mo kung bkit?
kase sa loob ng relasyon naten at sa buong buhay ko, sa presensya mo lan ako nkramdam ng ibng importansya na hindi ko naramdaman sa buong buhay ko.
sa piling mo, naging msaya ko, mas naging masaya ako at mas sumasaya ako. you saved me from the miserable gamble in life. nagyon may balak k ng iwan ako,ano ng mangyayare sa buhay ko?
ano ng mangyayare sa LEI ng binuo mo?
sa LEI n ginawa mong tao dahil sa pagmamahal n pinaramdam mo
ano nlng mangyayare sakin pag iniwan mo na ko
sabi mo kakayanin ko?
hindi ko kaya at hindi ko kayang kayanin
alam mo kung gaano kita kmahal
alam mo kung gaano ka kaimportante sa buhay ko
mahl kita cha mahal na mahal
sabi nila evrybody deserves another chance
another chance para maparamdam ulet sayo kung gano tlga kita kmhal kung hindi mo to naramdaman. may nagkulang ba skin oh bigalng tumaas ang expectations mo at hindi ko un na meet?
pinilit kong maging isang tao ayon sa gusto mo para hindi ka mbgyan ng any reason na iwan ako
pero ganto pa din
i tried to be someone na hini pa nging ako sa buong buhay ko dahil sayo,
anu bng nangyre sayo? bkit bigla kng nagbago? iba n ba gusto mo?
nalilito kana kase alam mo n may dadatng p n best sa buhay mo
skin cguro wala na
korni mang pkinggan
kaw n ung THE BEST na dumating sa buong buhay ko
kung iiwan mo nga ako, maghihintay ako sa pagbabalik mo skin
kung mahalin mo pa ko
tatanggapin kita
kahit hindi mo na aminin ang pagkakamali mo
una kasi sa lahat hindi ko kailangan na aminin mo un
ikaw ang kaylangan ko
ikaw lang sa buong buhay ko
sana cha nabasa mo toh
sana ung nagfade na love mo skin eventually mag bloom ulet
hhntayin ko ung araw na un
khit gaano ktgal
maghihintay ako
alam mo kung san ako pupunthan
maghihintay ako sa muling pagbabalik mo
maghihintay ako
MOVING ON
Ngayon pinipilit kong mag move on kase sya nkamove on na, in fact naghahanap n agad sya. mdali para sa knya na kalimutan ako kase hndi nmn nya ko totally minahal.
hndi ko lubos n inisip na ganto lang mangyayare sa amin. i tought everything is going out so well. akala ko walang problema. until out of uncontentment, nagsawa n sya. to think na itong tao pang to ang unang takot n mawala ako.
so i was really puzzled, do they really have to let us trust them, para mdali nilang mkuha at magawa ung gusto nila. i already gave everything pero i had nothing. This person left me with nothing, nothing to hold on to. I was drifting in a quicksand and yet no one is brave enough to lend their hands on me. I was a weak person, I just appear to be tough and strong. This person left me with no reason to still hold on, but no one can blame me if my mind says give yet my heart says hold on.
Maybe tama silang lahat, msyado ko lng cgurong pinaikot ang mundo ko sa knya, malay ko ba, ang alam ko kase ako din ang mundo nya. Hindi ako nag expect ng sobra, konti lang nman eh. Konting loyalty, contentment at faithfulness lang, un lang nmn sana eh kaso hndi pa nya naibigay.
Mdme na akong nrerealize. As days goes by.
-Don’t let yourself get stock in the middle of nowhere ika nga. Kung ayaw n sayo nung tao, wak mo nang ipilit pa ung sarili mo s knya lalo pa kung sya na mismo naglalayo ng sarili nya sayo.
-sabi nila “ibigay mo daw ang lahat s isang relationship, para pag break up n daw, alam mong hnd ka nagkulang. Ginawa mo ang part mo and that would be very enough.”
-kung gusto ng partner mo na wag mong gawin ang isang bagay, gawin mo, sundin mo sya. Pag ginawa ka nyang isang taong hndi k nmn, matuwa ka, kasi kahit papano this person brought something that is hndi mo alam na kaya mo palang maging.
-mabuhay ka na parang hndi ka na mabubuhay bukas. Mahalin mo ung taong mahal mo na parang hndi mo n sya muli pang makikita. Iparamdam mo sa knya lhat ng importansyang hndi nya inaasahang ibibigay mo. Maniwala k sa knya na parang sya lang ang taong nagsasabi ng totoo. After ng mga araw na nagawa mo na ang part mo at iniwan k ng tao na minahal mo, at some point hndi sya ung mamimiss mo, kundi ung taongn aging ikaw dahil s knya,
-ganyan nmn halos lhat, binabago k ng mga taong dumadating buhay mo. Ang hndi ko lang maintindihan, binago ka nya para masaktan at maiwan nya!
ayun. haizt. hirap n hirap na ko. pero ako lng nman ngapapahirap s sarili ko eh. nagmamahal pa din ako khit alam kong hindi na ko mahal
masama bng magmhal
masama bng umasa khit alam mong wala k ng aasahan
bkit halos lahat n lang ng nangiiwan parepareho ng cnsabe?
ikaw lang nagparamdam ng gnyang pagmamahal
sayo ko lang naramdaman ung ganyang love
mabute kang tao
hndi mo deserving lahat ng nararamdaman mo skin ngayon
bkit kelangan nilang sabihin ung mga ganyang bagay
na minahal k nila pero iiwan k din pala
I Talked to someone last night, hndi daw totoo ang mga FALL-OUT-LOVE na reasons dahil pag nagmahal k ng isang tao, hindi daw un nauubos, hndi ngababago ang love, love is a constant thing that somehow made us all feel special
one of the many reasons daw behind FALL-OUT-LOVE n break up concept is because… hindi sya kontento sayo,,, hndi k nya tunay n minahal,, kahit n naparamdam nya sayo na mahal k nya,,, at some point those times n nparamdam nya sayo were all fake,
im talking shits here.. hndi ako bitter..
wala kong regrets n ikaw minahal ko khit ngayon nasasktan ako.. madali para sayo n kalimutan ang lahat kse hndi ka naging kontento sken,, madali mo kong mkklimutan kase alam mo sa sarili mo n konti lang ang pgmamahal n binigay mo skin.. sa konti na yon sobra sobra ung naramdaman ko.. sayo umikot ang mundo ko kase akala ko hanggang dulo tayo
ewan ko ba,, siguro ngamasyado pa kong bata..
madami pa daw darating sabi ng iba, madali para sa knila na sabihin ang mga ganung bagay kase hindi nila nararamdaman exactly kung anung nararamdaman ko, kung gano ako nahihirapan
i’ve made up my mind.. khit mging tanga man ako sa paniningin ng ibang tao.. khit mali man ang umasa. maghihintay pa din ako..
after 2 years, pag naging sauccesful na ko.. babalikan po kita,, kung ikaw nmn ang babalik.. mas maganda.. love is sweetier the second time around daw.. ayun.. sa ngayon lalayo muna ako.. didistansya… pero hindi ko bibilisan paglalakad ko,,, para maabutan mo pa ko,, huhuhu
sori my cha
1st day of being single
ayun
ang saklap ng buhay ko
hayst
mahal n mahal ko sya pero hindi n nya ako mahal anu ba dapat kong gawen?
can somebody please sympathize with me?
naiintndihan nyo b nr2mdaman ko?
nagmamahal ako ng taong khit ktiting hndi n ako mahal!
dpat ko pa bng mahalin tong tao na toh?
hdni ako naguguluhan eh, hindi din ako nalilito
kailangan ko lang ng opinion nyo
pursigido ako na mahalin sya hanggang dulo kahit walang kapalit pero hindi ko inaalis sa isip ko na khit paano mahalin pa din nya ko
mahal ko tong tao na toh kahit ganto gingawa nya skin ay mali kahit pala ganto ang gingawa ko sa srili ko kse mnmhal ko sya
ako n nga siguro may kasalanan ng paghihirap ko
oo na tanga na ko
pero mahal tlga kita
hndi mo na mbabago un
babalikan kita
liligawan kita
mas mamahalin kita
maghihintay ako
sana pag dumating yung tym na balikan kita
malaya ka
sana
I couldn’t ignore the pain any longer
Life was just too much
I never saw my life in future times
Or happiness and love and suchI’d been to the edge with the intent to jump
And had become happy with thoughts of no pain
Feeling my uselessness as an inherited curse
I had nothing left to gain
The sun failed to shine
In my world overcast
Birds no longer sang
And the first had become the last
All things good and whole
Had turned and went their way
They were never to return to me
So I felt I should just go away
Consumption by hate, to save was too late
Where should I turn now?
Why do I get kicked when I’m down?
When could I be happy? Or even better, how?
Fallen and fetal
I will return to the dirt
Bittersweet battle within
No longer would I hurt
Smiles soon faded
And hearts followed to break
As I cried out for help
I cried in heaven’s sake
Routinely I cried
For a hand to reach to me
I looked blankly at emptiness’ stare
And closed my eyes reluctantly
But I felt one more fight, a chance in me
To save myself from isolation
Piercing my lips were words of insignificance
And the end to my frustration
As time’s hands moved on and on
Together, as one, we grew
Now solitary routine you seek
You seek you never knew
Tired of times we spend together
Tired of me you grow
Tired of being tired in time
No feelings will you show
But in time as your thoughts are even
Will I be thought of only as your pawn
And will you be happy or sad
When I’m finally gone?
