LOST!

I can’t escape the feeling in my head
Wishing I could share them with you instead
Dreaming that I could go back in time
To deal with the regrets in this that rhyme
Looking back over the times that we had
A feeling overcomes me so bad
I’m sorry I never wrapped my arms around you in town
I’m sorry that I took your smile and replace it with a frown
I’m sorry for the things I did only when you’re asleep
I’d do them again if I could so they were a memory you could keep
Just in case you never heard
I’ll recite them again word-for-word
I whispered that I wouldn’t have to go away
That my home could be here with you to stay
Then I described a day I wanted to come soon
When the light shone through your window, stars and moon
The ring in your finger sparkled bright
Like a sign that this dream is so damn right
That’s when I’d whispered how I’d always love you
Through everything that we might do
How our love would last forever and a day
And that nothing could never ever make it go away
We fell asleep in each others arms that night
Holding each others hand so tight
I’d give anything to relive time with you
I’d give anything for our dreams to come true
but when I opened my eyes a light started to flicker

i'm blinded by the light,and i can barely see
Here I am alone standing no where

in a cliff, in the end where no one is with me
Light, blinding, in a halo around me
But here I stand, shadowed, alone
Listening of echoes of laughter
Ghost of people stand before me
Whispering, giggling and so I long
For the days when you were holding my heart
Unchanged, unscarred flying high
But the bird’s wings are unclipped
I’m barred from my own body and my own mind
I can’t escape the souvenir of a dream
Here I stand; here I fall, locked in my dying heart
I’m lost within a world of love

ALMOST THERE!

LONG TERM GOAL:

6 Years in Elementary
4 Years in High School
4 Years in College
2 Years in Masters Degree
4 Years to be a SURGEON

I’ve been spending almost all of my life waking up early, reading books, doing assignments, spending sleepless nights just to finish something and cursing almost all of my used-to-be professors (see how bad I was! Ha-ha!) etc…

VENUE: St. Francis of Assisi Church
WHEN: July 24, 2009
WHY: 3rd Capping, Pinning and Candle lightning Ceremonies

This is a program that I, with my batch-mates, await. With this, there would now be a realization of our chosen careers. We can now put into the field everything that has been taught to us and those that we have learned.
This day, as we stood in the house of Almighty God across endless boundaries, we know for a fact that our parents and all those who contributed in our education are very proud of us. Just like them, I am also proud of myself and I am more proud of my parents and my grandmother who are behind my every dreams. They suffer more than I do, they struggle as much as I do and they are more proud of me as much as I am proud of them. And it is heart-warming for my parents to see me walk in the isle of the church as I receive my pins to be called as a nurse. It is a relief for them that all of their sufferings has been paid off and were all compensated. For almost my 13 years in institutions, they were always my soul-up-lifter whenever I am in distress.

Today is one of the momentous 4-hours in my entire life that all of dreams are now coming to reality, that my dreams are now coming true. All of my burdens to pass every subject are somehow compensated. I barely had 2 more years left to be a REGISTERED NURSE and I just can’t help myself but to hope that I could. As I thread my pathway to success, as I climb the stairs of my tomorrow and as I travel the unknown road of the future, I know for a fact that our GOD and my FAMILY will be there always.

I am almost there. The trip is almost over. I can almost see my dreams vividly painted on the portrait of my life. I can almost hear the victorious angels with their trumpets as they celebrate with my accomplishments. I can hear the chirping of glorious birds. My journey is solemn and momentous. I’ll just wait for the right time, for the fruits of my dreams to be ripened, to harvest them in time which GOD allows me to. And in due time, I will sow the seeds from it and I’ll just wait for the next harvest.

THE KID

THE SKY ABOVE IS LIKE IMMENSE WITH GREAT ANGER. The wind is strong and the rain is heavy. There was no typhoon that day or even a storm but the sky seemed to have poured off everything it has. On that cold night, there was a boy left alone in the boulevard of darkness. The fog that has been brought upon by the gushing of rain and wind made it harder for the boy to see what the wicked sky had turned the pitiful land into. He is soaking wet. He is shivering yet he can’t do anything with his situation. No one is there to sympathize with his condition. He is just sitting in the corner of the street while hugging his knees close to him. To make his condition even worse, the last time that he had eaten was like days ago. He just lived each day by begging alms on by-passers.

The boy stood up. He walks across the streets because he can’t no longer tolerate the cold night. He knocked from one door to another asking for a cup of warm water but everyone seemed to just shut their doors on him. But he didn’t lose hope. He still continues to knock hoping that some kind-hearted person would provide him what he needs for the moment.

Then a lady opens her door for him. The lady can see the innocence of the boy through his eyes. She can feel that the boy had suffered much. She lets the boy in, offers him clothes and asked him to stay close to the chimney so that he can feel warm. She asked the boy for something to eat but the boy insisted, he said that all he ever wanted was just a cup of warm water. The lady went inside the kitchen and gets something to drink. She didn’t give the boy warm water but with cup of warm milk instead. The kid is teary eyed while he was drinking the milk.
The boy said “How am I going to pay you, kind lady?.”

”You don’t have to pay me; it is righteous to help someone without asking anything in return.” The lady replied

Then after the rain had subsided, the boy went on his life in the street and gratified the lady.

AFTER SO MANY YEARS, the boy had turned into a professional doctor. He studied in the orphanage where he stayed. He is now a well renowned physician in the field of medicine. Then one day a lady was admitted in his ward with this peculiar disease and so before he started assessing the lady his heart pounds. That was the same lady who helped her several years ago. She was the one who opened the door for him and gave him a cup of milk. From that day on he gave his full attention to the lady. He spent his days and nights finding ways to cure the lady. And so with the guidance of Omnipotent One, he was successful. He was able to revive the lady from that rare disease.

The doctor asked the accounting department for the lady’s bill to be brought on his office. When the doctor received the bill, he gets a pen and wrote something on a piece of paper and asked a nurse to give it to the old lady. The lady is so nervous when he received the envelope for so she knows that even if she spend her own life working, he cant afford to pay for such. Reluctantly, she opened the envelope only to find out that there is only a piece of paper saying “PAID IN A CUP OF MILK!”

Farewell

When tomorrow starts without me and I’m not there to see
The sun should rise and find your eyes, filled with tears for me
I wish so much you didn’t cry, the way you did today
While thinking of so many things we didn’t used to say
I know how much you love me, as much as I love you
And each time that you think of me, I know that you’ll miss me too
But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand
That an angel called my name and took me by the hand
He said my place is ready in heaven far above
And that I have to leave behind all those that I dearly loved
But as I turn and walked away, a tear fell from my eye
For all life I’d always thought, I didn’t want to die
I have so much to live for, so much yet to do
It seemed almost impossible that I was leaving you
I thought of all the yesterdays, the good ones and the bad
I thought of all the love we shared, and all the fun we had
If I could relive yesterday just even for a while
I’d kiss you and say goodbye and maybe see you smile
But then I fully realized that it could never be
For emptiness and memories would fill the place in me
And when I thought of worldly things, I might miss tomorrow
I thought of you and when I did my heart filled with sorrow
But when I walked through Heaven’s gates, I felt so much at home
When God looked down and smiled at me, from his great golden thrown
He said “This is eternity and all that I have promised you”
Today on earth is past, but here starts a new
But today will always last, and since each day is t he same
There is no longing for the past
But you have been so faithful so trusting and so true
Though there were times you did some things you knew you shouldn’t do
But you have been forgiven
And now at last you are free
So won’t you take my hand and share my life with me?
So when tomorrow starts without me don’t think were far apart
For every time you think of me, I’m right here in your heart

Darkness

The darkness arise
Enfolding every light
The light is so weak
The darkness prevails

The stitches of yesterday
The bruises of the past
I’m just a neophyte of this race
I don’t know which to reprimand

The pavements were narrower
I can barely walk
The corridors were much stiffer
And this, I have to surmount

Beyond reality, my life is at stake
I’m an exile of my own fate
Hostage of the uncertain future
All I can hear are unfamiliar jargons

It made me reluctant
To continue what I had started
To walk fearless
To walk straight ahead

The darkness is so explicit
Uncertainty is very vivid
I stumble as I walk
What a pitiful forlorn

My wings are yet unfledged
My life is merely a battlefield
Darkness then prevails
but i won't give up! i won't

IF

If love is blind,
will you grant me a pair of eyes?
If you were a dictionary,
Would I have any meaning in you?
If I was born for you,
Would you live with me?
If you were a fire,
Will you melt me like a cube of ice?
If you were the missing piece in me,
Will you suit yourself just to fit in?
If I were a star and you were a moon,
Would you allow me to borrow lights from you?
If you were a moon,
Will you cast your shadows down on me?
If I was born to make you happy,
Would I still shed tears?
If you were a bird,
Will you spread your wings in my everlasting horizons?
If I were a seed,
Would you sow me until I grew higher?
If I were a daffodil,
Will you dance with me as air sways me?

If I were your sweetest nightmare,
Will you still dream of me?
If I were a cactus in the oasis of a forbidden desert,
Will you hug me until you feel me piercing you?
If I were the air in this forsaken atmosphere,
Will you still breathe me in?
If we are the only remaining life forms in this ground,
Will you still live with me even if it costs you everything?
If to love is to cost pain,
Will you dare to love me?

I FOUND YOU!

I’ve been then alone. My life was up to no where. My mind was empty. I can’t find any words to describe what I feel. I can’t look for any phrase that would, somehow, lighten my agony. That would somehow, explain the feelings of my tormented soul. I was once here before but every time that fate brings me back here, it was like a new pedestal to me. It was like I’m looking at broader spectrum of pain, a new endless horizon of pain. I’ve experienced these pains before but what is now is different. “the more you experience pain, the more that you get used to it then eventually the more It would grew lighter” but for me, every time that I’m predisposing myself to pain, the more it becomes excruciating and the more I become vulnerable.
Every time that this feeling is yet dominant in me, my system just can’t seem to know how to resist. It is like a drug that my body needs. It is the air that I breathe in. the rays of sunlight that penetrate deep within my skin. The pain runs in my system, it binds with my blood. It circulates and passes through my heart, it remains there, forming clogs that degrades the function of my entire system. It lingers through its walls killing every cell that contains every happy thought that I have made. It made me feel afraid that this catastrophe would lead to sudden death of my heart. That my life would end up like a rugged dummy for which in pain and happiness, I would not react. Im just scared to death that one day, I don’t even know how to smile, grin and laugh. That one day I wont be aware of anything that surrounds me. I don’t want to inflict pain to anyone for so I know how it feels like. Will pain be as essential as anything that my body needs? Should I always allow pain to pierced my tortured soul? Why love has to cost much pain? As far as im concerned, pain Is not what I needed.
I need someone that would make me feel like a new born angel with my wings widely spread upon the casting shadows of a new world. Someone who knows how to make promises by making them happen. Someone who can make me smile during the rage of storms in my life. Someone who could lend hands when I am swiftly falling. Someone who could sit by me, uttering no words by mouth but barely shouting unspoken words of love through eyes. Someone whom I’ll always long the presence of. Someone who owns those eyes that won’t judge me physically but would see the deeper person in me. A pair of eyes that know how to see things unseen. Someone whose ears won’t listen to the possible things that might happen, but to the things that could happen. Someone who will listen as I say my sentiments. Someone whose lips know how to say painful but truthful words. Someone that would say words of love I never asked for. Ive been barely looking for that someone but the search has now ended. I’ve been fooled by almost everyone that walked with me in my journey to life. Now im giving my heart to you, it is you whom I entrusted my heart with. I can hear the strong thudding of my pulse behind my very ear. I can feel that I am incomplete whenever I long for your presence. For once you made me whole again, you picked every pieces of me that shuttered along the way as you walk through me. Now I asked you this “will you be like this forever?”

A Monthsarry

Back when I was in my high school days, I am always this “guy-of-many-allegorically-uttered-thoughts”. Most of my friends say that I am deeply profound, that my thoughts were like dug from the graveyard of grieves, and sufferings, happiness and pain.

Before, I actually don’t write most of my thoughts, I just say them in front of those who knows how to listen. I also dreamt of having my own book which I wrote but I was then a struggling writer. As far as I could remember, I know that I have written so many poems but I cant recall where on earth have I placed them. (Not now! see how the technology helped me, I can now keep my articles =) ..)

Before, my only readers are my friends and classmates. They are the only one’s who knows how to appreciate my write-ups but now, many people can read it and maybe somehow will try to picture themselves inside of each written words. I know that I cant please everyone to appreciate what I can offer, the write-ups, which are ought to open those people blinded by pain because I, for once, passed through that. Some of the criticisms I get just passes through into my left ear then into the right but was merely absorbed. I, personally, take them as a constructive criticism.


This day is something that is to be proud of (for me). It is something that is to be celebrated. At last! I’ve written articles and were able to share it with people (who read my blog ^_^). I have to celebrate this because it is my first month here in blogosphere. I never thought that I would accomplish anything such as this.

Though there are times that my thoughts are not spontaneous and though they are quite abstruse, writing lighten up the heavy load I carry. It is where my inner thoughts are loudly spoken by words. I will continue writing as possibly as I could because it is a relief at some point. I would continue writing (fingers crossed) because it is a part of my system that when if its gone, I cant function as a whole,

the MONTH of june

I haven’t post something in my blog since… yesterday… hahaha… I have been preoccupied by my tanda. (hahaha so cheesy)
Going back. Well, I wont actually be writing every month. I would just write if the month is so stressful and struggle-prone. The purpose of this? Nothing much, really. I just want to share some of my life experiences. I could say that I’m now becoming more of an open person. My life is somewhat now an open book, yet I still have to make some things private. To start it out, basically this month started pretty harsh. As of midyear, June is the hardest month to live in but towards the end of the month it is one of the most memorable and happiest coz I just found my everything. I welcomed the month of June with a broken heart and an eyes full of tears. I have all this heavy emotions in me. My so called “ex” broke up with me. I was in the stage of denial then, but I pass through this phase. From that day on I started writing all my heartaches, pain and hatred within me. This was also the month wherein I poured tearS like I haven’t shed them for a long period of time. “if people could only sing their hearts out, the pain, I’m pretty sure everybody are singing now”.

“This was also the month where I started appreciating quotations”

“This month marked a very new me. Someone who is strong and tough yet weak.”

I met so many people. They have different faces but they are all the same. Some just passed by and some stayed for quite a while. some gave me lessons, some preach me sermons, some tapped my shoulder saying “move on!”. Some opened my eyes back into the light of this world when I was then blinded. Some poured out my cup of suffering and some poured teaspoon-full of happiness.

With my studies, sleepless night and restless days has now begun. I’ve been trying to cope with demands of my course and as early as now I could say that I can make it through.

And for my evrything. At the end of the month, I met my tanda. I found my someone. I am just hoping that tanda is 100% serious. But I guess tanda is. (I guess)

Lessons from Love

1. Don’t act as if you really know who your partner is. Sometimes during the first half of relationship, people tend to show good deeds and nothing but the good deeds. As much as possible, they don’t want to argue much. But after the peak of the relationship, they’ll just get used to it and arguments were like normal stuffs.


2. Don’t be possessive coz you don’t own anything, you just borrowed a lot. All the things we have are not our possessions (we never own anything). Those were just borrowed things for us to nurture them and for us to grow as a person. To give us lesson for us to learn.

3. “Do not do unto others what you don’t want others do unto you” (the golden rule in life and love). Don’t hurt someone when you don’t want to get hurt. Don’t play with someone when you don’t want to be taken for granted. Don’t give false hope to a person, those fruitful words can easily be misinterpreted. Sometimes, when fate pays back it was like you are torn into pieces, your soul will be tormented and your whole life will be disastrous.

4. Don’t hesitate to give everything once you are committed. When we commit ourselves to someone, we are bound to do one thing and one thing alone and that is to give our everything at our best so for in case that break-up-day comes, we know for a fact that we give our 100% and we did our very part. . But sometimes we tend to regret at the end. Regret that there is nothing left for us. Well then I guess giving everything is an optional thing but being rational is enough reason for us to always bite into the bright side of everything. When you are committed, always be contented. Try to settle with what you had. When you commit yourself, always bear in mind how to be committed.

5. Don’t try to spend times with someone when someone else’s name kept on resounding in your mind. Stop playing around. Don’t mess up when you don’t know how to clean them up. Stop fooling anyone, most especially yourself. Some people do think that to be even is to be fair and to be fair is to revenge, but how could they possibly make revenge if their special someone left. Is it a reason for them to find kind-hearted, vulnerable and everything-worthy just to play with? Is it enough reason for anyone to make someone fall in love with them then eventually dump them and leave them behind with no reasons at all? By doing so, will they even find the happiness that everybody is searching for? Will they feel how be taken cared of? How to be loved? And how to be treasured like you are the most precious stone ever? Will they even find their way out of the loneliness they are in? Will they feel the warmth of a loving caress? Will they experience the wonderful and fascinating things and feelings of being taken cared of responsibly by someone you really love?